Sunday, October 27, 2013

Repeat Sadness

In 2010 my brother lost his wife of 41yrs to complications from leukemia.  He remarried last year and at our family Christmas gathering his new wife (Candy) told me she had found a lump under her arm and they were going to get it checked out after the holiday.  It was cancer and very advanced.  She responded well to treatment at first,  but after a long battle all year, she passed away this afternoon.  I didn't know her as well as I knew Bonnie, his first wife, but Candy was very pleasant, hard working and fit in well with my boisterous family.  She made my Brother Phil happy and they had many plans for the future.  You never know what life will hand you or why the trials keep coming.  I know Phil was devastated to go through this again and loose a wonderful partner in life.  He's a good man, a strong man, and someone that I think God knew would see Candy through this disease.  He hoped for a miracle and so did she and was left wondering about the answer to prayer and the fairness of life. I think he was her miracle.  I wonder who would have been there for her if he wasn't.  The miracle may be her release from this life of stress and pain into peace and comfort.  I know his kids weren't thrilled when he remarried...it seemed too soon to them.  But life is short, happiness fleeting.  Never judge, never say never, and don't forget to forgive. Grab that brass ring when possible and when it's time to let go, do it with grace and hope.  Here is a photo I took of them last Christmas.
Our hearts and hugs go out to you Phil.  Rest in peace Candy.

85 comments:

Nonnie said...

Oh my goodness. This post makes me very sad, but I love the things you said about your brother being a miracle for her. My heart aches for him in his sadness and trying to understand this. You're so right. We need to cherish what we have. Blessings to him for being a loving husband.

Shady Del Knight said...

This is heartbreaking news, YaYa. There are two ways of looking at this tragic series of events and you elucidated the resourceful way, that Phil was there for Candy during the last difficult, painful and frightening chapter of her life. He was her miracle and she was his. My prayers are with Candy's family, with Phil and with you and the rest of your family. God bless.

Kim said...

That is such a tragedy. Deepest sympathy to your family. I agree with your statement "never say never". We just don't know what is around the corner for any of us, or the circumstances that lead to it. I glad she was part of such a loving, supportive family, even if for a short time.

Julia said...

Oh Cathy, I'm so sorry for Phil and Candy's children. They made a beautiful couple together and should have had more time to share together.

I'm glad that she fitted right in with your family and I'm sure that she appreciated your family, your good baking and cooking and good humour.

Life is so short and cancer is taking so many friends.
We've had 3 friends pass away last week and one the week before and 2 were cancer victims.

I'm sending love, peace and prayers.
Hugs,
JB

Becky Jerdee said...

Oh, this is soooooooooo sad. I have no words. My deepest sympathy to your sweet brother. Candy, it looks in her picture, was a doll.

Debby said...

This is so sad. I feel bad for your brother. A friend of ours went through the same thing. She remarried after loosing her husband to cancer. She and her new husband had a child. The new husband died when the little boy was 2. So sad. I hope he will be able to heal from all his loss. (((((HUGS))) to you all.

acorn hollow said...

I am so very sad for your brother. and what a great blog post. I don't know how graceful I could let go.
Cathy

PoetessWug said...

:-( How very sad to have to experience death in this way twice in your life. My heart goes out to your brother and family...It's another proof of why the Bible calls death the "enemy". :-( There's some wonderfully comforting info on how to comfort the family at JW.Org in case you're interested. Practical and helpful info.

B. WHITTINGTON said...

What a good looking couple. She was beautiful. Thanks for sharing this story. My husband has had two cerebral strokes in the last month. He's in NICU now. He's doing fair right now. Still having headaches. He's handicapped so that's a lot more to cope with. We're hoping he can come home in a few days. He may have to have some rehab. He's quite weak.
Blessings to you and your brother. Hugs, Barb

selvageedge said...

This is very sad news. Bless you, Kathy, for seeing the bright side, of what a miracle he was for her. And truly a reminder to all of us to live our lives well, as we never know what the future will bring or how much of it we have.

joanne said...

may the sweetness of angels light your way as you head home dear Candy. Your love and generous spirit were a gift to all who knew you. I am so very sorry Kathy for your brother. I pray for strength and comfort for him. take care.

Z said...

Remarrying when a partner dies after a long marriage can be a demonstration of how strong and trusting their love has been. I'm so sorry Phil and Candy had such a short time together.

Cindy said...

My heart hurts reading this. I'm so sad for your brother and you and your family. We never can really understand completely unless we've walked in someone else's shoes and your brother has certainly had his share of heartache. Healing thoughts and prayers to all.

Willow said...

Yaya so very sorry to hear about your families loss. My deepest sympathy.

Hena Tayeb said...

oh god.. that is awful. I pray for you brother.. may god give him strength

karen said...

I think you have a very good take on the situation. Life is way too short to hold anger, sadness, or guilt. Be quick to forgive, quick to love. Sounds like your brother has it down too. It's sad he had to go through it again, but I love that he didn't hesitate to see it through.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

My God! the same thing happened to me. I was married to Pat for 43 years and lost him to cancer of the lungs. With a lot of disapproval, I remarried four years later and within six years, Frank was gone, once again to cancer..this time of the liver. I've grabbed another brass ring, also with disapproval all around. I am as happy as possible with Howard, but I no longer trust the future and after losing my beautiful daughter in February to breast cancer..I am struggling not to live in fear. Not easy. It's just begun to rain..I think the angels are crying.
I am so very sorry for your brother. My heart goes out to him. Loneliness is terrible.
I hope he finds another wonderful mate one day and can pick up the threads of his life. Life is so terribly short and the older we get the faster time goes. Cancer has taken so many of my loved ones that it is almost unbearable. I know how he feels. I hope his family supports him through this terribly time. You are a good sister!

gin said...

I'm so sorry for Phil. He was her angel. Life is hard, we don't know what tomorrow brings. Hoping he finds comfort and strength and someone else to share his life with.

Rick Watson said...

This breaks my heart Yaya. I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to my wife...and for it to happen to your brother twice makes me very sad.
I know he doesn't know us, but tell him that Jilda and I are saying a prayer for him.
R

Stacy Crawford said...

I'm so sorry Yaya. I hope your brother is okay.

Sue said...

That is so hard. Wow. I am going to keep him in my prayers, Kathy.

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Kay G. said...

I am so sorry for your brother's loss. I hope any past hurts will be forgiven and forgotten and that all will come together in love.
xx

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

I am so very sorry to read this about Phil. I remember when you wrote about her finding the knot and I felt so bad for Phil that he was having to deal with this again. It is heartbreaking and my prayers and deepest sympathy to you and your family.
This was a sweet post and Candy is lucky to have had you for a sister-in-law because your heart is bigger than Texas.
Take care and I am thinking of you
Love ya
Maggie

Hope said...

well said and my deepest condolences!

Hilary said...

Oh what a heart-breaker. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. This has to be just so hard on your poor brother. I do like your perspective that he was her miracle.

CatieAn said...

Oh I am so sorry for your family and especially Phil. You are right. Life is not what we expect a lot of the time. I am so happy that Phil did find happiness in another spouse. He certainly was her miracle and maybe she was his when she came into his life after Bonnie died.
My prayers are with all of you.

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